3 Easy Steps to Creating the Best Break-Up Text Ever. (No, like seriously, EVER.)

    So you have a crappy significant other and are wanting to cut ties, but aren't sure the best way to go about it. You don't want to lead them on or break their heart. You don't want to hurt anyones feelings but you definitely don't want to be the one who gets broken up with (ew!). So you figure, "Why not just send a text?" It's quick, effective, and you don't have to brave your crippling social anxiety by doing it in person. 

    You would be correct, in this instance, in the efficiency of using electronics to stab someone in the heart. But, it can get messy quickly. You're an emotional being and word vomit tends to happen when you get nervous. You start by talking about how you feel neglected within the relationship and then ten paragraphs later you are going on about your dead Aunt Susans cat being the reason you "need time apart". WRONG. Do not, under any circumstances, reference your Aunt Susan (God rest her soul). 

Instead, try these three easy steps to make your break-up text the gosh darn Dunkirk of break-up texts. 

STEP ONE: Be Frank. 

    Honesty is the best policy people. He chews with his mouth open and you can't stand it? Now's the time to tell him. She flirted with your brother at last years Thanksgiving dinner? Bring it up! You need to emphasize the reasons you are leaving the relationship by cutting out all of the other "bullshit". 

STEP TWO: Keep it Short. 

    No one receiving a break-up text wants to sit and read a novella on "it's not you, it's me". In fact, odds are, they won't even read the whole thing if that little blue bubble is larger than their phone screen. Keep it to about a paragraph in length: easy to read, easy to understand, straight to the point. 

STEP THREE: Don't Go Back on Your Word. 

    For the love of God, do. Not. Go. Back! You are breaking up with them for a reason. Remain firm in your messaging and allow no room for negotiations. This is not a business interview, this is your life. If you are able to fall back on your word that easily, maybe you shouldn't be breaking up in the first place. Re-evaluate before you start this process. 

Breaking up with someone is never easy. In fact, it is most likely the exact opposite. However, having clear and concise messaging that holds firm to your decision is key to ultimate success. No one likes lies, length and illegitimacy. What people want? For you to be honest, succinct, and firm. 

Use these three steps to form your next break-up text and let me know how it goes!